what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
