You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
