i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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