martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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