is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
