Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
