we have pet lesbian snakes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
