so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
