I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
