I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
