party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
