So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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