I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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