Where is the hickey?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize