I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
