i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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