im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
