So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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