Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
