well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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