The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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