don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
