My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
