There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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