So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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