he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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