Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
