Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
