Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
