in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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