Your mouth is God's brothel.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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