just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Vodka?
Forever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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