how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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