Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
