Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
