i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
