Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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