i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
