Christians are straight up FREAKS
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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