Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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