Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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