Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
