New invention idea: vibrating tampons
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
