I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
