I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
