I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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