four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We had to coat check the pizza.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
