So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
