I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
