I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
