DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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