I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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