Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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