I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize