It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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