Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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