Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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