Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
