A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
