he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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