lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
