I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
