im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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