i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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