You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
