just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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