look no pants
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
