Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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