How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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