First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
