You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
