dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
