FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
