six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
