Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
